***NOTE: This originally was a short little piece I wrote for the Regent College newspaper back in 1997…it never got published, but it is a piece of writing of which I still am extremely proud. If you’re a Biblical Studies nerd, enjoy…
“A” Gospel: The True Source of “Q”
I wish to tell of a recent discovery of mine. In short, I think it will cause us to completely rethink our Christianity. Yes, after discovering this little discovery of mine, I am convinced that the cruel, oppressive reign of Christianity has come to an end. No longer will anyone answer, “What religion are you?” with the words of that famous theologian, Homer Simpson: “Oh you know, that religion that is full of well-meaning rules that have no relevance for everyday life–Christianity!”
Marcus Borg has claimed that he and his associates have finally been able to reconstruct the “original” gospel that precedes all four of the gospels in the Bible. This gospel is called “Q”. Well, nice try, Borg, but we will not be assimilated! I have found the ORIGINAL of the “original” Q!
As any good Bible critic knows, the Bible is chop full of tall-tales, rules, and falsities that can only be made sense of if we diligently find the “sources” that were put together to form what I call “The Grand Whatchamajigger!” Hence, we have the hypothetical “J,E,L,M,O,P” sources for the Pentateuch! For instance, in Genesis 1:1, the words “In the beginning” are actually a compilation of FIVE DIFFERENT SOURCES! (I don’t fully understand it all, but it must be true–I read it in a book.)
This brings me to my discovery. After realizing that this hypothetical “Q” gospel was actually able to be reconstructed by the highly imaginative mind of The Borg, I decided I should try to find the true source of the source “Q”. So, what did I do? I picked up my shovel and started digging holes in my backyard! How did I know that this mysterious, ancient source of “Q” was in my backyard? Well, I had already determined that it was a very earthy gospel that presented Jesus as a farmer whose most famous parable had to do with a giant-sized rutabaga.
Now I’ll be honest, I never actually found this source I was looking for. But after two weeks of digging, I was even more convinced that, although this lost gospel wasn’t in my backyard now, at some time in the past it must have been–after all, just look at all the holes in my yard! So what I did was I went inside, sat down at my desk, and wrote out this “lost” gospel that wasn’t in my backyard, but probably was at some point, even though I can’t prove it. I call this document “A” gospel. (Not “The” gospel, mind you–that’s something that my good friends Jason Carroll and Ian Panth made up…I mean found).
“A” gospel is very relevant for today. It gives us hope in these dark times. Consider “A” 1:13–“And he said to them, ‘I give you hope in these dark times. Remember, it’s all good.’ The members of the Jesus Seminar heard these words, lifted up their green beads, and there was much rejoicing.” Or how about “A” 2:17–“I’ve got something that makes me want to shout! I’ve got something that tells me what it’s all about! I’ve got soul, and I’m super-bad!” And finally, “A” 3:12–“We must tolerate all faiths and lifestyles, because we live in a pluralistic society.” If this doesn’t sound like the words of a first century Jewish farmer, I don’t know what does!
Hurrah for modern Biblical scholarship for unearthing such a gospel for times like these! I feel good!
Beautiful. I love it!
That’s my problem with Borg, Crossan, et. al. As Schweitzer noted of the “first Jesus questers” a century ago, the Jesus Borg, the other Seminar Fellows, Ehrman, etc. come away with is one that looks suspiciously like Borg, the Seminar Fellows, Ehrman, etc., not a 1st c. Jewish peasant rabbi.
I’ve shared NT Wright’s skepticism regarding Q since not too long after the Enterprise’s original Encounter at Farpoint. Maybe there *was* a hypothetical sayings source of Jesus’ teachings. Maybe not. But it’s amazing how many scholars simply take its existence for granted.
I wonder if 2,000 years from now scholars will be looking for an original sayings source behind the writings of Borg and the other Jesus Seminar Fellows?
Pax.
Lee.
Who knows? The problem with “Q” is the assumption it was an actual DOCUMENT. I have no problem saying there was “Q material” in the sense of stories and accounts that the apostles and early followers shared that were later collected and crafted into Mark, Matthew, and Luke. But the notion it was an “early gospel document” is just silly.
And it really gets complicated with theories like the early vs. late versions of Q argument put forward by the Seminar Fellows in the 1990s. So not only do you have “layers” of the gospels but also layers of Q.
These theories take more faith to believe than the resurrection.
Pax.
Lee.
You’re … proud of this?
But, why?
Because it is funny and gets to the heart of the problem with so many scholars like you.
It is neither funny, nor well written. It is no wonder you couldn’t get it published.
Yes, it is funny. And I wrote it as a joke for my friends. I didn’t try to get it published.
What kind of clueless doorknob are you? Lol
You said you “wrote it for the Regent College Newspaper.” What on earth does that even mean if you did not write it for publication? Again, this is just more grist for the ever-growing mill of poor writing which consistently describes the content of your blog…and your self-published books…and your awful poetry.
Lol…good grief. How insecure of a person does one have to be to consistently say the sort of crap you say? You clearly have some serious issues.
And I literally did not say what you put in quotes. I literally said it was a “joke article.” Geesh Kipp…get a life…and get some therapy for your issues.
Upon looking at what I prefaced in the original “Q” post, yes I did mention the Regent newspaper. It still was a joke article that anyone who knows anything about some of the more absurd extremes of Biblical criticism will enjoy.
Sorry you didn’t enjoy it.
I got a few smiles out of it; I think it demonstrates the “logic” which drives much of recent Jesus scholarship, albeit in a *very* tongue-in-cheek way. As a Star Trek geek I liked the Borg references (the real Prof. Borg was a decent guy and not at all like the STTG villains). James Brown should’ve been a Fellow of the Jesus Seminar. I mean, Hollywood producer/director Paul Verhoeven (*Robo-Cop* *Basic Instinct*) was a Fellow, so why not James Brown? Uhh! I feel good!
Pax.
Lee.