Another “Unhinged” Book Review, this time of The Blue-Collar Bible Scholar’s Reader’s Guide to the Old Testament: Volume 1–Torah and Former Prophets

If this funny “book review” from ChatGPT encourages you to purchase my book, hurray! Enjoy!

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The Blue-Collar Bible Scholar: A Reader’s Guide to the Old Testament — Volume 1: The Torah and the Former Prophets by Joel Edmund Anderson

A Review Written After Leviticus Finally Broke Me

I approached Joel Edmund Anderson’s Blue-Collar Bible Scholar: Reader’s Guide to the Old Testament, Volume 1 with modest expectations. I thought: “Maybe this will help me understand the Old Testament.” Three hundred pages later, I am sitting naked in a kiddie pool, wearing a linen ephod, clutching a dead goat, screaming: “YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THE ANCIENT NEAR EASTERN CONTEXT, LINDA!”

My wife has left. The police are outside. But for the first time in my life…I UNDERSTAND DEUTERONOMY.


FIRST OF ALL: THIS IS NOT A DEVOTIONAL
Anderson announces almost immediately that most Christians don’t really know what the Bible is because we’ve reduced it to a grab bag of inspirational quotations suitable for wall hangings. OUCH. I had literally just purchased a Hobby Lobby sign saying:

AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE
WE WILL SERVE THE LORD

Anderson: “Do you know what’s happening in Joshua when that is said?”
Me: “No.”
Anderson: “THEN PUT THE SIGN DOWN.”

He then tells you something even worse. If you want to understand the Bible, you should temporarily forget that you’re reading “The Holy Bible,” stop frantically searching for immediate personal applications, forget about yourself altogether, and enter the biblical world on its own terms.

Excuse me? You mean Jeremiah 29:11 wasn’t written specifically to encourage Madison before her volleyball tournament? WHAT KIND OF LIBERAL COMMUNIST WITCHCRAFT IS THIS?


THEN WE GET TO GENESIS
This is where things become dangerous. Because Anderson walks into the Creation/Evolution culture-war battlefield, looks around at everyone throwing chairs at one another, and basically says: “What if Genesis 1 isn’t trying to answer your 21st-century scientific questions?” Silence. Ken Ham slowly turns around. A vein appears on someone’s forehead.

Anderson explains Genesis 1–11 in terms of ancient Near Eastern mythology, cosmology, literary structure, and worldview, arguing that it resembles other ancient creation traditions precisely so it can subvert their worldview and present a radically different understanding of God, humanity, and creation.

Young-Earth Creationist: “BUT WAS IT SIX LITERAL 24-HOUR DAYS?”
Anderson: “Let’s talk about Babylonian cosmology.”
YEC: “ANSWER THE QUESTION.”
Anderson: “Have you read Enuma Elish?”
YEC: “SECURITY!!!”


GENESIS 1–11: EVERYBODY SCREWS EVERYTHING UP
Anderson’s basic outline of Genesis 1–11 is spectacular. God creates. Humans screw up. Cain murders Abel. Humans get worse. Nephilim. Flood. God starts over. Noah gets drunk. More family dysfunction. Babel.

EVERYONE SCREWS UP AGAIN.
Anderson actually summarizes part of the structure with the immortal phrase: “Adam and Eve screw up.”
FINALLY. A biblical scholar with the courage to use proper technical terminology.

Hebrew scholar: “The narrative depicts humanity’s progressive alienation from the divine presence—”
Anderson: “They screwed up.”
Hebrew scholar: “…..yes.”


THE FLOOD
Oh, you thought the Flood was merely about Noah putting giraffes on a boat? SIT DOWN. Anderson compares Genesis with other ancient Near Eastern flood traditions and points out that in those stories humanity gets destroyed partly because human beings are making too much noise. The gods then lose control of the flood and freak out. Meanwhile Genesis says humanity has corrupted God’s creation. Therefore, the Flood becomes a massive DE-CREATION/RE-CREATION EVENT. The waters return. The ruach moves over them. Dry land reappears. Noah emerges. Creation begins again. NOAH IS: ADAM 2.0

That’s literally Anderson’s terminology. Unfortunately…Adam 2.0 immediately gets drunk and passes out naked. So apparently the software update did not resolve the original bug. HUMANITY 2.0 HAS CRASHED.


THEN GOD CHOOSES ABRAHAM
This seems promising. God is going to rescue creation through Abraham and his descendants. Excellent. Surely God chooses a stable family.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

No. We get Abraham. Isaac. Jacob. Joseph. Anderson believes the patriarchs are rooted in actual history but emphasizes that Genesis presents their history through sophisticated literary storytelling—what he describes as “fictionalized history.”

And what history! Lying. Scheming. Sibling rivalry. Wife-sister shenanigans. Sexual intrigue. Deception. Attempted murder. Actual slavery. Famine. Egypt. And somehow: GOD’S COVENANT CONTINUES.

At this point you begin detecting Anderson’s central Old Testament theological thesis: God is faithful. Israel is…how shall we put this? Anderson himself eventually puts it beautifully: Israel had always been “screw-ups who were always complaining and rebelling against the very God who saved them.”

THE BLUE-COLLAR BIBLE SCHOLAR HAS SPOKEN.


THEN COMES EXODUS
Moses shows up. Burning bush. Pharaoh. Plagues. Passover. Red Sea. Freedom. Mount Sinai. Covenant. Israel: “WE WILL DO EVERYTHING YHWH COMMANDS!”

Approximately fourteen minutes later: “BEHOLD OUR COW.”
Moses: “WHAT.”
Israel: “We made God.”
Moses: “I WAS GONE FOR FORTY DAYS.”
Israel: “Cow.”
Moses: “HE LITERALLY JUST PARTED THE RED SEA.”
Israel: “Shiny cow.”
Aaron: “IT JUST CAME OUT OF THE FIRE LIKE THAT.”

And thus begins approximately forty years of Moses asking God: “Are you SURE these are the people?”


AND THEN LEVITICUS.
You knew this was coming. Every Christian has attempted to read the Bible straight through.

Genesis: THIS IS AMAZING.
Exodus: PHARAOH! PLAGUES! RED SEA! LET’S GOOOOOO!
Leviticus: “Now regarding bodily discharges—”
Reader: …
Leviticus: “If a man has an emission—”
Reader: …
Leviticus: “Take two pigeons—”
Reader: I’M GOING BACK TO MATTHEW.

But Anderson commits the unthinkable. He actually explains Leviticus. And somehow… LEVITICUS BECOMES INTERESTING. This should be illegal. Suddenly you’ve got holiness. Sacrifice. Clean and unclean. Sacred space. Priestly theology. Day of Atonement. Scapegoats.

Then Anderson casually introduces: AZAZEL, THE WILDERNESS DEMON. I’m sorry. WHAT? I was told Leviticus was boring. Nobody mentioned WILDERNESS DEMONS. Why did Sunday school give me felt-board Noah when we had GOATS BEING SENT INTO THE DEMON WILDERNESS?


AND APPARENTLY THERE ARE GOAT DEMONS TOO
Because Leviticus 17 enters the room.

Anderson: “Goat demons.”
Me: “What?”
Anderson: “GOAT. DEMONS.”
Me: “I thought we were studying dietary laws.”
Anderson: “Wrong neighborhood, son.”

At this point The Blue-Collar Bible Scholar has transformed from Bible handbook into an Old Testament heavy-metal album.

YHWH LIVE AT SINAI featuring: AZAZEL THE NEPHILIM THE SERPENT GOAT DEMONS and special guest: BALAAM’S TALKING DONKEY One night only. No mixed fabrics.


THEN WE ENTER CANAAN
Now Anderson walks directly into another theological minefield: THE CONQUEST. People understandably ask: “Wait. Does Joshua describe genocide?” Anderson says no. He argues that herem does not necessarily mean literally killing every living person and that conquest language like “destroyed everything that breathed” reflects standard ancient Near Eastern warfare rhetoric and hyperbole. He compares it to the Allies destroying the Third Reich without exterminating every German. Immediately, three groups become angry:

Fundamentalists: “YOU’RE DENYING THE BIBLE!”
Skeptics: “YOU’RE DEFENDING THE BIBLE!”
Anderson: “I’M TRYING TO EXPLAIN ANCIENT NEAR EASTERN RHETORIC.”
Everyone: “BOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Welcome to biblical studies, where explaining historical context guarantees that everyone becomes angry with you for completely different reasons.


THEN COMES JUDGES
Oh. My. Lord. Judges begins with Israel failing to fully drive out the Canaanites. Then we get the cycle: Israel sins. Foreigners oppress Israel. Israel cries out. God raises a judge. Judge saves Israel. Everything gets better. Judge dies. Israel immediately becomes insane again. REPEAT.

Eventually the judges themselves become progressively worse. And by the time we reach Samson, God’s chosen deliverer is basically: AN ANCIENT NEAR EASTERN FLORIDA MAN.

“Local Nazirite kills thirty men over clothing dispute.”
“Local Nazirite captures 300 foxes and sets agricultural infrastructure on fire.”
“Local Nazirite kills 1,000 men with donkey jawbone.”
“Local Nazirite visits prostitute.”
“Local Nazirite reveals classified hair information to Philistine girlfriend.”

The Book of Judges: “There was no king in Israel, and everyone did what was right in his own eyes.” NO KIDDING.


THEN ISRAEL DEMANDS A KING
Samuel: “You don’t want a king.”
Israel: “Yes we do.”
Samuel: “He’ll tax you.”
Israel: “King.”
Samuel: “He’ll take your land.”
Israel: “King.”
Samuel: “He’ll conscript your children.”
Israel: “KING.”
God: “Fine.” Enter Saul.

Anderson summarizes Saul’s reign with theological precision: “The reign of Saul, Israel’s first king, was a train wreck.” Again: THIS IS WHY I READ BLUE-COLLAR BIBLICAL SCHOLARSHIP. Other commentary: “Saul’s kingship demonstrates the inherent tension between charismatic and dynastic models of Israelite monarchy.” Anderson: “TRAIN WRECK.”


THEN DAVID ARRIVES
Finally! The man after God’s own heart! David! Goliath! Psalms! Covenant! Jerusalem! Everything will finally go well! Narrator: Everything did not go well. David commits adultery with Bathsheba. Gets her pregnant. Attempts to cover it up. Has Uriah killed. His family implodes. Amnon rapes Tamar. Absalom murders Amnon. Absalom launches a coup. Civil war erupts. Joab kills Absalom. Another rebellion occurs. Seven descendants of Saul get handed over to the Gibeonites.

Anderson rightly emphasizes that II Samuel is neither Davidic propaganda nor an anti-David hit piece; it is brutally candid about a deeply flawed king whose actions can often be read simultaneously as personal integrity and political calculation.

Basically: GAME OF THRONES: COVENANT EDITION


AND DAVID’S FINAL WORDS TO SOLOMON ARE ABSOLUTELY BONKERS
Old David: “Son, follow YHWH faithfully.”
Solomon: “Yes, Father.”
David: “Keep his commandments.”
Solomon: “I will.”
David: “Walk in his ways.”
Solomon: “Yes.”
David: “Also murder Joab.”
Solomon: “…what?”
David: “And Shimei.”
Solomon: “But didn’t you promise not to kill Shimei?”
David: “I promised I wouldn’t kill him.”
Solomon: “Dad.”
David: “YOU DIDN’T.”

Anderson basically paraphrases David exactly this way: “Hey, I promised Shimei I wouldn’t kill him, but you can, and you should!”

DAVID DIES.
Solomon:…
Benaiah: “So….”
Solomon: “GET THE SWORD.”


THEN SOLOMON BECOMES KING
You probably remember Sunday School Solomon. WISE SOLOMON. Temple-building Solomon. “Cut the baby in half” Solomon.

This book gives you: MICHAEL CORLEONE SOLOMON. Adonijah asks to marry Abishag. Solomon: EXECUTE HIM. Abiathar supported Adonijah. Solomon: FIRED. Joab grabs the altar seeking sanctuary. Solomon: KILL HIM THERE. Shimei violates his parole. Solomon: BENAIAH! Benaiah enters covered in blood: “Yes, my king?” Solomon: “Nothing. Just checking.”

Anderson actually calls Solomon’s tactics for securing his throne “questionable” and repeatedly asks whether the official explanations conceal political motivations. Sunday School Solomon has officially left the building.


AND THIS IS WHERE THE WHOLE BOOK STARTS CLICKING
Because Anderson isn’t simply telling Bible stories. He’s showing you the Old Testament story. Creation. Fall. Abraham. Covenant. Exodus. Torah. Land. King. Temple. Exile. And underneath everything: How is YHWH going to rescue his creation through this spectacularly dysfunctional group of people?

Anderson summarizes the Old Testament metanarrative as YHWH faithfully working through deeply flawed Israel to bring salvation to the world and renewal to creation. And suddenly the Old Testament isn’t: RANDOM BIBLE STORIES™. It’s one enormous developing narrative. Then Anderson gives you what might be the key to his whole approach: Virtually everything in the Old Testament is related to either Creation or the Exodus. Once you see that…YOU CANNOT UNSEE IT.


AND THEN THERE ARE THE CHARTS
Sweet mother of Moses. THE CHARTS ARE BACK. If you read Anderson’s New Testament volume, you already know.  Anderson actually calls one of them his: “MESSY MASTER CHART OF OLD TESTAMENT HISTORY.” And “messy” is not false advertising. The chart on page xxii looks like something the FBI found pinned to the wall of a motel room after apprehending a man who had been tracking Nebuchadnezzar for seventeen years.

ASSYRIA. BABYLON. EGYPT. ISRAEL. JUDAH. LINES. DATES. ARROWS. 605! 587! 539! WHAT HAPPENED AT CARCHEMISH?! Yet after staring at the thing for five minutes: “Wait… I understand Old Testament history now.” DAMMIT, ANDERSON.


THE REAL PROBLEM WITH THIS BOOK
It ruins bad Bible reading. Before reading: “David was a great biblical hero!” After reading: “Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” Before: “Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived!” After: “ABOUT THAT.” Before: “Joshua killed every Canaanite.” After: “Let’s discuss herem and ancient Near Eastern conquest rhetoric.” Before: “Prophecy means predicting future events.” After: “Actually, Joshua through Kings are called the Former Prophets because prophecy includes interpreting Israel’s history through the theological lens of Torah.”

Your Bible study group will hate you. Someone says: “Elijah predicted—” You: “ACTUALLY THE HEBREW CONCEPTION OF PROPHECY—” Everyone: “Shut up, Joel.”


FINAL VERDICT
The Blue-Collar Bible Scholar: Reader’s Guide to the Old Testament, Volume 1 is what happens when someone looks at Genesis through II Kings and says:

“You know, Christians might actually enjoy this stuff if somebody explained what the hell is going on.” And then does. It’s biblical history without becoming painfully academic. Literary analysis without sounding like a dissertation. Theology without turning every passage into systematic theology. Historical criticism without acting as though discovering an ancient source instantly disproves Christianity. Faith without pretending difficult biblical passages aren’t difficult. And all of it delivered with the general attitude: “JUST READ THE DAMN STORY.”

You begin with Genesis 1. You finish II Kings staring over the smoking ruins of Jerusalem in 587 BC whispering: “They broke the covenant.” Anderson himself summarizes the catastrophe of exile almost exactly that starkly: “No King, no Temple, no Land = no People of God.”

And suddenly… you understand why the New Testament opens with: “THE BOOK OF THE GENESIS OF JESUS THE MESSIAH, SON OF DAVID, SON OF ABRAHAM.”

OH. OH. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Highly recommended for Christians who want to understand the Old Testament, students terrified of Leviticus, pastors who secretly don’t understand Judges, people who think Solomon was just a nice wise man with a construction project, anyone who believes “prophecy” exclusively means predicting things 2,500 years in the future, and especially anyone who has tried reading the Bible cover-to-cover six times and mysteriously suffered catastrophic spiritual fatigue every time they reached Leviticus 13. Read it. But be warned. You may begin as an ordinary Christian. You will emerge six weeks later with an uncontrollable urge to explain the Deuteronomistic History to strangers at Cracker Barrel. The Blue-Collar Bible Scholar has claimed another victim.

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