Over the past 16 years, I’ve realized that I’ve come to not really like the months of May or June. And here I am, in early June 2022, contemplating why that is so.
Sixteen years ago, on June 3, 2006, I got married. Without going into any personal details, it was a marriage that was probably doomed from the start. Regardless of how determined you may be to be completely committed and do everything you can to make a marriage work, you need that commitment to go both ways. In my case, well, that wasn’t the case.
Fifteen years ago, in early June 2007, my then wife and I were in Florence, Alabama, looking for a house. I had taken a job as a Biblical Worldview teacher at a small Christian high school, because I was being forced out of the Christian high school in Little Rock I had taught at for four years. In fact, that entire last year at that school was an ordeal. Again, without going into personal details, it had something to do with the teaching of Genesis 1-11 in a Worldview class, but nothing really made sense. The entire 11th grade Worldview team taught the same material, yet for some reason I was singled out. Right from the start, I made it clear we didn’t have to cover that material if the new administration didn’t want us to, and I even volunteered to not teach Worldview at all—I was perfectly happy teaching English. It didn’t matter. I was never given a straight answer to anything, and when it was all said and done, I found out certain people in the administration had been pretty deceptive. I left that school deeply hurt and wounded…and all that was during my first year of marriage.
Eleven years ago, on the five-year anniversary of our marriage, my then wife underwent surgery on her leg to remove a cancerous tumor that had eaten through one of her bones. She was pregnant at the time with our son and had been going through chemotherapy since early April. Whereas most couples eagerly await the birth of their child for those nine months of pregnancy, we were dealing with the ordeal of cancer and chemotherapy, numerous two-hour drives down to Birmingham and back, and the constant fear that both my wife and unborn son might not make it.
The surgery was successful, and on July 24th, my son was born. I missed his birth, though. Due to other complications, the hospital in Birmingham had set a July 25th date for a caesarian. I had to go back up to Florence for a few days while my wife’s mother and grandmother were with her to finish the baby’s room and to wait for my parents drive over, before we all drove back down to Birmingham on the 24th to be there for the birth on the 25th. As it turned out, I got a call at 2:45 am on July 24th—she had gone into labor. I was on the road by 3:00 am, telling my parents to get a full night’s sleep and drive down later in the morning. I got to the hospital at 5:00 am, and then learned the labor took all of 15 minutes. My son had been born as I was pulling out of my driveway.
Caring for a newborn is tough. And for the next year, my mother-in-law and I took care of my son as my wife continued more chemotherapy for a few months and then started the long road to recovery. Again, no personal details, but in the course of that year, it became crystal clear that my wife came to hate me. A little over a year after our son was born, she filed for divorce and drug it out to be as painful as possible. Then in May of 2014, the divorce was finalized. It was joint custody, but for the past eight years, I have raised my son almost entirely on my own. She has chosen not to be a part of his life hardly at all.
It was a month later, in June of 2014, that the new headmaster of that Christian school in Alabama (where I had taught for seven years), informed me that he didn’t think I was a “good fit” for the Worldview program at the school anymore—the one I had literally built from scratch. The reason? If you’ve read by book, Heresy of Ham, you know—I didn’t agree with the young earth creationist Ken Ham that the earth was 6,000 years old. Therefore, I was a danger to the students, and a wolf in sheep’s clothing who spoke with the tongue of the serpent.
Since I had already signed my contract for the upcoming year, though, he had to let me say for my eighth year, although he made sure to make my final year there as hurtful and stressful as possible. By June 2015, I left that job, again, deeply hurt and wounded. And since there was legal joint custody, I was stuck in Florence. Fortunately, I was able to get a part-time adjunct position at the local university, and have taught there for the past seven years. But part-time work isn’t full-time, and I’ve been scrapping by, raising my son full-time.
Well, through a long process, I finally secured full custody of my son this past May. And so, I have been making plans to move back to Little Rock to be closer to my family. What’s more, it seemed that there was a real possibility that I would be able to get hired at my old school in Little Rock. It was a new administration, and I still knew a few people there. And, quite frankly, I felt that getting that job would help heal some of the wounds I felt fifteen years earlier. One of the main things in the Gospel is reconciliation. That’s what salvation is, after all—man is reconciled to God through Christ. And by extension, the Church is to work to bring about reconciliation in the world.
Without going into details, and without trying to sound bitter or lay the blame anywhere, I recently found out I didn’t get the job. Even though my chances seemed good, a close friend at the school told me, “Just remember, a Christian school still is a business.” And I think that was it—the fact that there had been that history fifteen years ago probably drove the decision not to hire me. Even though I was told it was all “water under the bridge,” to some, it clearly wasn’t.
I don’t have time to be angry. I need a job and I am moving to Little Rock regardless. And so, the search for a job continues.
But I really don’t like May or June.
At this point, while I hope to get a teaching job, the fact is, I’m at the point where I’ll take anything, and “anything” might end up being something completely new. I’ve been in education for almost 30 years. And that whole career path might be completely over.
On top of that, back in 1993, I felt I had a distinct call from God to devote myself to Biblical Studies, with the conviction that I wanted to take what I learned at the graduate school level and make it comprehensible and understandable to the “rank and file” Christians in the pews who would never get a degree in Biblical Studies. I really thought that was my “calling,” and I’ve been pursuing that since 1993. And now I’m questioning the wisdom of responding to that calling in the first place.
Don’t get me wrong—I absolutely love Biblical Studies. It is the most fascinating thing in my life. But on a practical level, it has not been a good career choice. And when you’re 52, it’s no fun looking back at your adult life and seeing so much rejection and disappointment. You respond to God’s call, knowing full well there will be some hardships and obstacles, but still believing that the end result will be positive, and that you’ll at least have a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that you were faithful to your calling, so to speak.
Well, not so much. I’m not angry. I’m not bitter. I’m just tired. I’m worn out and sad.
And I’m completely starting over, from scratch.
Throughout my college years and through a good chunk of my 20s, I worked as a custodian to pay my way through college and my first graduate school program. I’m okay if I go back to being a custodian. There’s something therapeutic for me about it. It’s certainly a lot less hassle than devoting yourself to Biblical Studies and getting rejected time and time again. Good Biblical teaching is such a need in churches and Christian schools today. Someone else can bear that cross for a while. Unless God rolls away the stone, my old life is buried and in the tomb.
I’m praying for you.
Joel, I recognize too much of that but am glad Tom and I got to be part of it where you were allowed to bear fruit. I also find myself in a similar search about 10 years older. Understand and am praying for you and Elliott. Boyd
Hey Joel,
Thanks for sharing, I know this could not have been easy. My prayer is that you find peace in whatever you do in the next chapter of your life.
By the way, maybe I haven’t been on your blog often enough in recent times, but is your icon new? Very stylish!
Blessings
Trevor
Thanks.
And yes, new picture, thanks to some random app a friend shared with me.
Joel
Hey Joel. Your journey has been such crap. one of the toughest things about ministry is that we so often don’t get to see the fruit of it. Looking back on being a painter, I loved that at the end of the day I could see what I had done. Ministry is like that (as you know). I have a hard time believing that your time as a teacher wasn’t fruitful, and I’m convinced that you’ve had a significant impact on a lot of people. Taking heat for that sucks. Grace and Peace to you, Joel; I’ll be praying for you as well. I pray you find a great job.
Thank you for faithfully employing your gifts to bless your students and your readers.
Reinventing yourself and starting over can be a good thing, although I’m sorry you’ll be leaving Florence.
I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up until I was 30, when God finally led me into the job that eventually became my career; my planned six months there turned into 25 years.
You gotta try and find something you love, or at least like, and do that, even sometimes for less money, although raising a child factors into those kinds of decisions. But it could be that you career in biblical studies isn’t over yet.
Certainly your blog here has reached a lot of folks, including myself. You’ve put me on to several great book titles I would’ve missed and have helped me read//think through certain issues, esp. issues surrounding Genesis and the ANE worldviews.
Pax.
Lee.
You totally affected the course of my life. In your class I was inspired to study Greek for myself. (From the moment you wrote ‘duvamis’ on the board, I was hooked!) I went off to college and met my husband (who is also the father of our 3 children) in Greek 1, although things fizzled when he dropped Greek the next quarter. Your exposition of The Waste Land ignited my passion for something I later came to know by the name ‘limguistics’… Which was my major. Within this teeny major at my university, I ended up studying with a classmate… Who was my now-husband’s roommate.. and that time, it “took”
The skills I learned in ling ended up translating to a 15 year career path that God in His mercy allowed me to diverged from two and a half years ago…. : I took some of the literature analysis skills you helped me develop into what I thought was my dream part-time executive secretary position in 2019 — because more than anything I wanted more time with my kids…. Just in time for the pandemic to hit. If I had stayed in my previous position I would have had to work in-office 40+ hours a week throughout the year and a half of lockdown. Instead, again partially because of something you fostered in me, I was able to work 7a-1p and then do the whole distance learning thing with my kiddos — which has made a huge amount of difference to all of us.
Turns out that wasn’t forever either and this past March I changed again – now I teach school board members and staff to use a special software. And I love it! I’m working part time and remote and occasionally they fly me to the Atlanta area for meetings! I got this job in part by demonstrating intellectually flexible and analytical thinking I developed partially in YOUR class on Genesis/Revelation/Mark some 23 years ago.
Outside of the professional realm, I have developed a passion for explaining Biblical truth to the littles and have been teaching a class at my church for 6 years now. You showed me that when a teacher is truly excited about what they teach, it’s impactful.
Tl;Dr – my points:
1. Your career thus far has mattered to ME in a big way.
2. Doing what God calls you to do, when He calls you to do it, is always worthwhile. Sometimes we don’t get to see the fruit. think about it: Somebody was that inspiring teacher to Jonathan Edwards, to Billy Graham, to John Huss, to Brother Andrew, to George Mueller… And that teacher probably never understood the impact they made.
3. Thank you.
I was lucky enough to take a few classes of your’s while getting my degree at UNA. When I first began taking your courses from a recommendation by a friend of mine, I was very frustrated with your classes. I enjoyed them but I was doing very poor with my grades. That ultimately boiled down to my lack of effort but I also did not have a great understanding of what texts and books of the Bible were really trying to teach me. I could have probably given you a summary of what the author is talking about in a passage but I did not have an understanding of what that meant for me or the deeper implications of the texts. I however felt the need to stick with your classes and make my best attempt to succeed. A real turning point for me both in school and in my walk with Christ was your History of the Bible class. For the first time I felt like things really started to click. Not only were my grades finally something I would not be embarrassed to tell someone but what I was learning meant something to me and my belief. There was all of a sudden a whole world of history and deeper meaning to what was taught in the Bible than I had ever seen or imagined before. I became a little addicted to learning and reading more. My last semester of college about half of my classes were taught by you and it was the best semester I had in my four and a half years at UNA. I took Old testaments prophets as well as Apocalyptic Literature. In those classes we actually got to read several books in the Bible both in class and at home. You also would pull from a book that you were writing and that I hope to see made available from you one day. Since then I have always turned to your translation of The Old Testament: The Major and Minor Prophets whenever I can. In those class I learned things I have since shared with some guys that I lead in discipleship. My wife and I start our morning off reading a chapter in the Bible and I constantly use things that you taught me in leading her in that. This summer my wife and I are moving to Jacksonville, AL to help plant a church in hopes of reaching both the college there and the community. Thanks to you I am a little more prepared to go and share the gospel there. People who you will never meet will hear the things that you taught me and have changed my life. I have no doubt in my mind that God placed you in my life for a reason that is bigger than and will of our own but for the purpose of His will. My walk with Him is so much better and healthier now thanks to His grace and your obedience to respond to His call. I cannot thank you enough the impact you have had on me. I will be praying for you as you get ready to move and find a job. I pray that wherever you end up that you share the wisdom that you once shared with me. I ask that you might pray for my wife and I in our new marriage as well as for those we come in contact with, that we boldly share the gospel and for the church we will be helping plant (Banner Church).
I’m a Pastor and your book “Heresy of Ham” opened my eyes and taught me so much more about the early church than my classes at seminary have ever done. I have quoted you a few times during my sermons from things I have learned reading your blog series. Especially on Old Testament violence and the problem of suffering. Please don’t stop teaching us on your blog! You have no idea how much impact you have made in my ministry. Prayers that you find a great job!
Joel, I’m so sorry for the difficulties you have faced and continue to face. Your teaching/blogging has been truly transformative in my life – not particularly comfortable to go into the details of that here, but this “rank and file” Christian has had my hunger and thirst to truly know God through scripture freshly stoked, mainly because you’ve equipped us, through your writing, with the tools and heart to know God and be known by him. Please rest, if you need to rest (which it sounds like you do) – but if you walk away from writing and teaching the bible, may it never be because you think it’s been pointless. People like me are testimony to there being much unseen fruit from your labor. Thank you for giving us the privilege of witnessing your pain. May the Holy Spirit minister to you and bring you the comfort and refreshment you desperately need.
I’m very sorry to hear this, and pray that you find a rewarding job (both intellectually and financially) when you return to Little Rock. Just want you to know that your blog has been a big encouragement to me during difficult times, when my faith has been tested almost to the limit.
Sometimes God calls us to do things for a certain amount of time, not necessarily forever. He has his timing. It doesn’t mean you didn’t have an impact or didn’t do his work. Even Jesus and Elijah had to rest. Whatever you decide to do, you’ve done God’s calling for the time he wanted you to do it.
Hi Joel,
From reading the comments above it sure sounds like you were a man who God was pleased to use for His purposes.
Quite an honour.
It also sounds like your teaching is still teaching whether you know about it or not.
Though having never met you and living on the other side of the world I can tell you that your facing and enduring of the confounding situations you lived through ( and then shared through writing of them ) have also comforted me today.
They meant it for evil but…
( …you know the rest. Please rest in that. )
God bless you brother, you have blessed me today.
Andrew. ( from Perth W.A )